Capt Sanjeev Bana's blog

His tall frame was draped in a big grey shawl and he smelt like most old men do. With a week’s white stubble he sat diagonal to me and mother in the officers’ waiting room vaguely looking at the TV screen on the wall. His oversized balaclava encroached upon his white eyebrows and the dark khaki tongue of an army shirt peeped from under his light blue half sweater. A new Para-jacket of the kind that one finds in the Gopinath market lay crumpled in his lap under his big palm. With a cotton wad in his other hand he pressed his parted, drooling lips and every now and then spat into the steel bin next to him.

We bring a direct telecast of The Lok Sabha  Primary School to you:  The helpless teacher, Miss Meira Kumar has been tied to her chair by the Principal Mrs Pratibha Patil to prevent her from running out of the class. She could do pretty little but smile her very pretty smiles even when she wanted to cane one of those nasty little beasts. “Please, She begged them in the nicest tone possible,” What are you doing children? This is not the way.”  She opened her drawer, checked her lipstick in a little mirror for the benefit of the CCTVs the school has installed in every class & repeated,” Please go back to your seats children, This is not the way.”

No one listened to her. It was a free period and she wanted to give a chance to all students one by one to read their favourite chapters or tell about their experiences. Everybody wanted to speak at the same time. Sushma stuffed her skirt-end into her mouth & sobbed that Sonia always got to speak first. “Don’t cry Sushma!”said Meira, adding saccharine & looking at Sonia with begging eyes, “I’m sure Sonia will not mind if you speak first today.” Sonia nodded ever so subtly and the storm blew over.

The news of the countrywide harassment of Valentine couples by Saffron Brigade in 2012 got overshadowed by bigger news of oncoming state elections. In one town, the basket in a busy tailor shop was getting fuller & fuller. Cotton flags, silk flags, flags of all colours & sizes. Suddenly the Bhagwa silk flag felt something small and soft fall atop him. A fragrant silk pink Panty?? He couldn’t take the insult.

“Get-off! ” He shouted right in one of her leg-holes, "You’re spoiling the basket.”

“You mean…,” said the Panty, seductively, "that I’m spoiling the great culture of this Basket."

“Yes,” said the Bhagwa flag, “that too.”

“Hey! Chill, handsome!” winked the Pink Panty, sliding softly to the side, “By the way, I’m Pinky.  Pinky the Panty, and you?”

The Bhagwa flag stretched to full size and said, "I’m Bhargav. Bhagwa Bhargav!”

“Aye! So James Bond-ish.” whistled Pinky Panty.

Bhagwa Bhargav blushed and changed the topic.

“How come you’re here, and you’re not even new?

“Aw, I’m here for the repairs.”  Pinky Panty winked again, “Broke my elastic & don’t ask me how. It’s kinda non-political.”

 “Do you want it or not, Thirty Five Rupees,” said the street-side vendor, waving the thin book in our face. ‘How to win Girls & influence Women’. We wanted it badly. I & Rahul, schoolmates from Kashipur had landed together in Chandigarh for college & shared a third floor room in sector 19-D. Away from home & its resources we were at a serious disadvantage when it came to getting a girlfriend. Between us we had a sports cycle, hardly the stuff you’d expect a girlfriend to sit on, much less hope for a moment of privacy. Every now and then we would see guys zoom away on their bikes with an oh! so pretty things clinging to them, to our heartburn; or a car parked in the lovers lane with the dark glasses rolled up. In short we were going crazy. Yes! Dammit, we needed that book. We didn’t have the money but we were going to use the Science to get the girls and get them by the truckloads and so said the book! And we paid 17.50 each and bought it.

This seems to have been the elections that have foxed the pundits. A reigning BJP chief minister with a ‘clean image’ has been shown the door, an ex ‘CM’ from BJP has barely managed to scrape through and the fringe players hold the power in a hung Vidhansabha.  At the same time, Mr. Harbhajan singh cheema, the two time BJP MLA from Kashipur has registered his third win in a row from the same constituency.

A simple look at the overall tally of seats in Uttarakhand shows that the the Congress has improved 11 seats to take its score to 32 seats from 21 seats in 2007. BJP has come down by 3 seats & BSP is 5 seats down to 3 from 8 seats in 2007. A simple conclusion that the Congress has won these seats at the cost of BJP and BSP would be oversimplification. A seat to seat analysis would presents a much more accurate picture.